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[Week 11, Day 4 | Video]

[Sue sneers into the Hitomi's camera. She is thoroughly unimpressed with the device, ever since discovering that it serves as little more than a glorified YouTube or MySpace tool. Something that those snot-nosed trainwrecks that pass for students back at McKinley would likely salivate over. But was the damn thing actually useful for anything, such as, say, connecting to a helicopter escort service? Of course not.

Regardless, it is time to broadcast her message. And so, much like on her news segment, she draws herself up to present herself as the paragon of wisdom that she knows herself to be.]

Greetings, residents of-- [She pauses.] Whatever you call this place.

It has come to my attention that you most likely do not know who I am. Well, this simply will not do.

The name's Sue Sylvester. Those with a modicum of talent and respect call me Coach Sylvester. Meanwhile, those who decide to behave with inappropriately familiarity and take the liberty of referring to me as Suzie, or any variant thereof, soon find themselves without the capability of doing so any longer. Those of you who value your ability to breathe air rather than blood, take this as you will.

But what's in a name? Reputation, certainly. A history, marked by achievements and failures, if you will. And the history of Sue Sylvester is so thoroughly filled with success that you might just say that I radiate with it.

But, comparable to the nuclear reactor of my embodied talent, well -- I will simply recommend that you keep in mind that radiation can do spectacular things. Such as cure cancer. Or mutate an unfortunate woodland animal into something so disgustingly twisted and repulsive that all it can do is hope for a swift death rather than continuing its excruciating existence.

So choose wisely, people of-- seriously, what the hell do you call this dump?

[She peers suspiciously into the Hitomi's lens. Considers saying something about being able to see the astounding amount of lard in William's hair even from this distance. And then shuts the Hitomi off without warning.]

Comments

(Deleted comment)
dstn_horror
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)
[text]
[Utterly disgusted that she needs to explain this. PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHO SHE IS. Oh well. She blames it on being in some foreign place. Japan apparently, from the language. Fortunately for Sue, her Nazi-hunting parents insisted that she learn German and Japanese. Not something fucking stupid like Spanish.

Perhaps there is no Internet here. Or television. Is she in the goddamn boondocks of Japan? How useless.

As to her expertise -- she has many of those. Hand-to-hand combat and firearms, among others. But to share that information so readily with a complete stranger? Fuck no. She's not stupid.

No. She'll just share what ought to already be known.]

I am an internationally ranked competitive cheerleading coach. So you could say that my expertise is in taking otherwise useless teenagers and molding them into a perfectly oiled, cohesive performance machine, designed for the sole purpose of displaying my creative genius.
(Deleted comment)
dstn_horror
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:28 pm (UTC)
[text]
[Sue laughs to herself, genuinely amused.]

The way I train my students, I would like to consider it so. Unfortunately, most of those kids would sooner wet themselves than face down a true battle situation. No, cheerleading is an athletic performance art.
(Deleted comment)
guerrilla_morph
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:28 pm (UTC)
[text]
It's just a bunch of high kicks and jumps.

Unless you find flashing your underwear a form of combat.

[Yeah, Marco pretty much knows Rin Does Not Know American culture. Best to keep her educated.]
(Deleted comment)
guerrilla_morph
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
[text]
I guess it just sort of happens while jumping up in the air.

It's just a bunch of girls jumping and yelling team slogans while there's a football game going on.

[Though they do show fantastic legs.]
(Deleted comment)
guerrilla_morph
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:43 pm (UTC)
[text]
You just have a case of culture clash, that's all.

Imagine how I feel when I found myself in a land of ancient Japan.
(Deleted comment)
dstn_horror
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:44 pm (UTC)
[text]
Oh, how adorable. Someone who cannot tell the difference between a bunch of unprofessional children waving their arms around like toddlers who need a diaper change, most likely dragged out of the stands just to stand there and look pretty for their meat-headed boyfriends -- and the gymnastic ability and developed athleticism required for competitive cheerleading.
(Deleted comment)
dstn_horror
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
[text]
What that hormone-addled boy is referring to is called Spanx, and it is part of the uniform, specifically so that underwear does not make a surprise appearance during a routine. But then idiots catch a glimpse of that underneath a flared skirt and assume that it must be underwear. Obviously, the idea of anything else giving them sudden erections is just too unbearable.
(Deleted comment)
guerrilla_morph
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:13 pm (UTC)
[text]
You're probably right.

The serious ones go out and be on the cover of Playboy, don't they?
dstn_horror
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC)
[text]
Sure, if that's what they want. Frankly, some of them are so empty-headed that their physical appearances are all they have to cash in on in life. Some will likely do this through joining the squads for professional sports teams, or becoming pop icons. Possibly both. Former Laker Girl Paula Abdul managed to pull it off.

Or if they want to set their ambitions a bit higher, such as, say, President of the United States, there's nothing to say they can't achieve that as well. Franklin D. Roosevelt and George W. Bush did, after all.

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