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| Week Eight -- Day One| Episode One

[The screen flickers to life, picture at a tilt and directed at a man in his late thirties with a serious expression on his face. Behind him are several others preparing their futons for the evening, though he seems completely oblivious to the movements in the background.]

Tonight!

Sousuke Aizen: The Antichrist or a lost librarian?

[His head jerks somewhat, though his eyes end up falling back at the Hitomi again.]

Then I will analyze whether these "Gods" are really Gods. Spoiler alert: they're not.

[Intense expression, voice picking up towards the end of the following.]

And Hisato housing complex-- is it actually a brothel? All this and more tonight on the Colbert Report.

[The few individuals in the room seem to turn and watch, intrigued by both his lack of the odd markings as well as his apparent commanding tone. Stephen, however, seems to paused for a minute or so, glancing at his watch on and off. As though a curtain is abruptly lifted, his attention returns to the device full throttle.]

Ladies and gentlemen of Kannagara...

Look, I understand you want your houses back. Some of us miss the warmth, some the security and some of us want our favorite dress. We all have our reasons. But I am here to remind you: freedom does not come to those who cave to their "basic needs" or "wants". You see, as a great man once said, "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."

[Waves index as though scolding.]

And he was right. Take Britain for instance. They take advantage of that freedom daily... Speaking of GOALSSSSSSSSSSSSS...

[People behind shift and back off somewhat. Straightens tie, lifting cup of water to sip and placing down in silence.]

Mm, a little warm. As I was saying... Speaking of goals, there seems to be a rebel group that understands exactly what I mean. So far, I've confirmed up to three members. Well, you know what-- they have a fourth. [Fists hands.] Hear me, sirs and lady? I support your cause; rest easy knowing I have your back.

These "Gods"-- [Finger quotes.] are likely doped up Asians with an unhealthy appetite for RPGs. [Side-mutters.] That means role-playing game. That's where I become useful; I have been playing these sorts of games since I was ten. Or nine, if Wee Warriors counts. So, you guys have my number-- call me.

[His fingers form something of a phone, muttering as though talking directly.]

Alright, folks, I know what you're thinking. [Holds up hands, shaking them slightly as though fending off noise.] Who's Sousuke Aizen? Why should you care? Well, it's a simple answer because... I don't know. And that's what makes this a story. The man seems to have gained the rage of the entire Kannamerica population... and I cannot figure out why. Handsome smile, a love for reading and those glasses that I approve of.

[He toys with own glasses, fixing them up on nose in the exact same spot.]

However, the facts must be looked at. He has been called a "traitor", "bastard", "dead", "two-faced snake", and has been described as "playing" people with his "hair 'n glasses". However- [Casual shrug, side of mouth lifting.] Ehhh-- seems like a nice guy to me. Maybe a bit of a geek, but we can't all be an official member of a freedom Rebellion. Ahem.

And besides, the source is a man by the name of Renji, who also happens to be getting a wag of my finger. Renji requested a spar earlier today. And while I applaud his healthy method of blowing off steam, I was appalled to see that he accepted an offer made by a blond biker. Now, I understand bikers have gone through "rituals" and become "hardcore", but I cannot condone a fistfight between a male and a female. Now, ladies and gentlemen, this isn't sexist. I understand that many women are as strong or stronger, I do, but I don't believe in needless violence in which she may be physically damaged. Why mess with fire, folks? She appears to understand this all too well.

Okay. Next, a tip of my hat to Lenalee Lee, my savior and an excellent help to many of our new immigrants. She's quick to smile and actively engages in anti-socialist movements in order to ensure our freedom. So Lenalee. [Sincere, intense stare.] Thank you, madame, for your hard work.

And finally... [Waves finger violently.] A wag of my finger to the letter "s". "Gods"? Sorry "s", try again. There's only one.

[A hand slips into view, handing him a meal of sorts and he glances, smiling gratefully.]

Oh, thank you. Okay, Kannamerica, I'm going to have to cut this short. I realize I skipped a vital story-- and for that I apologize. [That same hand migrates to his forehead, fingertip rubbing over it. And to him, in a sensual manner.] However. Hint: It is.

-- Stephen Colbert out.

[And the transmission cuts out.]

Comments

(Deleted comment)
sir_colbert_dfa
Jun. 29th, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
[ video ]
[Serious.]

I conducted a very serious investigation, ma'am. There is only one- [Holds up index.] -and he is our savior. You might want to invest in a little book called the Bible. It's pretty handy in these situations.

And yes, I am most definitely Kirishtan.

[He nods proudly.]
(Deleted comment)
sir_colbert_dfa
Jul. 2nd, 2010 02:44 am (UTC)
[ video ]
[Absolutely sincere. The screen shows only his face, far too zoomed in to make out the background by now.]

Of course it isn't going to get you far right.now. [Cutting hand gestures, shaking head subtly.] It isn't a fix of heroine, ma'am, it's forgiveness and love and as similar as they seem, when you die, only one gets you far.

And by far...

[Gestures upwards with eyes.

Inhales.]

-- oh, ooh. Is that legal? [Glances behind.]
(Deleted comment)

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Kannagara - The Way of the Gods

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