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[week 29, day 7: dream]

Warning: This dream post contains descriptions of violence, including physical and emotional abuse.

The dream begins with an almost detached clarity. Images are sharp and exact, almost like a recording rather than like a dream, and the sounds of the dream are overlaid with background noise just as an event that occurred in real life. Of course, that is only natural, since one of your primary functions is to record data.

This dream begins with the cold, familiar feel of the lab table under your body, though insulated with rubber this time. A white fluorescent lamp glares down into your eyes, and three more illuminate the rest of you. You are naked, although you feel no shame in that. Nakedness is often required for experiments, and you were not created with inhibitions against it. Leather straps restrain your hands and legs as well—straps strong enough to hold down even your enhanced strength. Not that you would attempt to leave without Mayuri-sama’s permission. That would be unwise.

Mayuri-sama attaches electrodes to your body at your arms, chest, and legs. You hold perfectly still and allow no emotions to show. You feel fear, however—fear of the pain you know is coming. You know this is a weakness. Everything Mayuri-sama does is for the sake of advancing science. Even if he decided to dismantle you, he would learn something new from it. Far below that, buried so deep that you are not consciously aware of it, your skin crawls with revulsion at his touch—and with that, there is the despair that forms the backdrop to your life, even though you would not be able to put words to it.

“Now then,” Mayuri-sama says, straightening up. He speaks aloud so that she can store the information in her memory, to be transcribed later. “This is the first of a series of experiments in which electricity is applied to the personally modifed gigai.” He goes to a machine just outside your peripheral vision. “Beginning with a current of 20 milliamps…”

The current runs through you, and your body arches against the table uncontrollably. You only just avoid screaming by clamping your jaw closed. Mayuri-sama dislikes any signs of weakness. After exactly five seconds, he shuts it off. Your muscles contract several more times before you go limp, sweating and gasping slightly. “Describe your physical condition,” he says briskly.

You suck in a breath of air, assessing your condition. “Heart rate is accelerated to 110 beats per minute, but remains regular. Blood pressure is elevated. Muscles exhibit signs of weakness.”

He looked at a sensor and jots down several notes. “Continuing to 50 milliamps…”

The pain is far worse this time, and you are unable to avoid screaming. Your body feels as though it’s on fire, and seconds seem to drag into hours as the current sears through your body. As it releases you, Mayuri-sama backhands you hard across the face. “Stop your catuerwhaling, you useless creature. My modifications can take double this easily! Assess yourself!” You are unable to speak for a few seconds through the chattering of your teeth. He slaps you again. “Didn’t you hear me? Report!” he snaps.

You force yourself to say, “Heart rate is elevated to 160 beats per minute and is irregular. Blood p-pressure is elevated. Some burning. Muscles continue to contract involuntarily.”

A flash of disappointment in his face, however he seems satisfied for the moment. “Continuing to 100 milliamps.”

You hardly have time to brace yourself for the shock, one which you know could be fatal to an ordinary shinigami. Then, you scream in agony as it shoots through you, swallowing thought and reason in a blur of pain. Your heart beats as though it will burst out of your chest, irregular and stuttering.

You try to beg him to stop, tell him he is killing you, but you are unable to form words. You are unable to do anything.

Suddenly, release. You lie shaking, and your hearing does not seem to be working. You hear him shouting, but cannot make out the words. Your vision is going black.


Oct. 7th, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
[A year and a half into her stay in Kannagara, you think Rin would have learned to drop her Hitomi like a hot potato the moment she (for whatever reason) opened a dream entry on it.

(maybe she doesn't want to; maybe there's something oddly compelling about the visceral experience of someone else's skin, someone else's life)

(maybe she likes connecting this way because she's failed to connect in others)

She does not feel the pain so much as an emotional echo of it. And so it is that which hits her most, along with a deep chasm of resignation to this. To this as the norm, as something that just happens. Utter surrender with an edge of desperation.

It's among the scariest things she's ever felt, and takes such control of her that is only in the last moment, with the barest hint of lucidity, that she recognizes the face of the tormentor.

She cowers, shuddering, for a while, swallowing against her suddenly-dry throat and trying to articulate a reply, but failing several times, mouth opening and hanging open for a second before closing again.

But then, finally, rational thought fueled by the need to say something pushes to the forefront. Nevertheless, her voice is quiet.]

Hello? I-is it over?
Oct. 7th, 2011 09:12 pm (UTC)
[By then, it is over--both the dream, and Nemu's punishment. She turns on the voice function as well, when she hears the voice.]

The dream is over.

[That same sense of resignation is in her voice as the other woman felt in the dream. That dream might be over, but it was never truly over. She had a lifetime of memories like this one--some of them far worse. And she will get many more.]
Oct. 8th, 2011 11:34 am (UTC)
[Rin notices that, and it sends the chills down her spine.]

A-and you? Are you all right?
Oct. 9th, 2011 04:31 am (UTC)
[She hesitates and considers her answer.]

My functions are not impaired.
Oct. 16th, 2011 02:22 pm (UTC)
[A long pause as Rin considers prying further. Which she decides to do. She can't just let this go.]

And the rest?
Nov. 3rd, 2011 03:38 am (UTC)
[voice] Sorry for late tag, just got off hiatus. Feel free to ignore if it's too late!
The rest?

[She doesn't understand what the woman means.]


Kannagara - The Way of the Gods

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